The other brother: Experiencing life as a “well-sibling”

“Come on guys, we’re going to be late for our reservations,” Nancy Erdlen yelled to her four boys as she searched frantically for her purse.

Shoving each other, Tim, Matt, Mike and John, ages 7, 8, 9 and 10, came running down the stairs and into the living room.

Nancy stared at Matt impatiently.

“Why don’t you have on your socks and shoes Matty,” she asked. “We’re going to be late.”

Matt reluctantly hurried over to the front door where his socks and shoes were and took a seat on the stairs. He peered down at the socks for a moment and then at his feet. He paused and as he took a deep inhale, he slid the left sock on—a success. Now it was time for the hard part. As the top of the right sock reached around his ankle, he collapsed to the ground and began to scream.

“Are you kidding me?” bellowed John as he stomped up the stairs. “Can we have one normal, peaceful day in this house? All I want to do is eat.”

Mike followed him, attempting to calm him down so he would not further upset Matt, but was unsuccessful.

John slammed the door to his bedroom. Everyone in the house could still hear him cussing and screaming. And then suddenly there was a loud bang—the sound of him putting yet another hole through his wall.

Nancy, with a look of exhaustion and disappointment in her eyes, rushed to comfort Matt. She wrapped him in her arms and held him there for almost two hours before he began to calm down. This would be the second time they would have to cancel dinner reservations that week.

For the Erdlen household in Windham, New Hampshire, a night like this was a pretty regular occurrence. This is because John and Matt both suffer from a SMI, or serious mental illness. They, along with six percent of the U.S. population, fall under this classification that includes major depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Both diagnosed at an early age, John struggles with bipolar disorder, an illness characterized by debilitating highs and lows, while Matt suffers from a combination of bipolar disorder and sensory integration dysfunction, a condition where the brain has trouble interpreting and responding to information that it receives through the senses, causing essentially a sensory overload.

While the effects of mental illness have been well researched and documented, little has been said about the siblings of the mentally ill. The sad reality for many of those who have a sibling that suffers from a mental illness is that they are left feeling a pressure to be normal—a phenomena called the well-sibling syndrome.

Mike Erdlen, who is now 24, is no exception.

“I am not a very openly emotional person and never have been,” he explained sternly. “I’m close to the opposite of how they are. I am extremely closed-off because they were open faucets all the time. I never wanted to deal with it and didn’t want to add to the stress so I just found it easier to internalize how I felt.”

From as early as Mike can remember, John and Matt have struggled with their illnesses—Matt’s episodes happening almost daily.

“We would go out and literally buy socks without seams so we could go out and do the thing we had planned for later that day,” he explained, chuckling at how extreme it must of sounded. “Typically, that still wouldn’t work. He would just fall to the floor and lay there for hours. If he put anything with a seam on, it could happen and it did almost daily.”

As Mike made his way to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, he recalled the most recent episode he experienced with John when they were living together at the University of New Hampshire five years ago.

“We had just gotten off a double from work and we were arguing over rent, bills, the house being dirty—just typical daily things,” he said as he took a long sip of his beer. “We were just sitting there talking and he was standing across from me and all of a sudden his eyes just lit up with flames and he punched me right in the face.”

Growing up in this environment often made it difficult for Mike to express his own problems to his parents. With the nearly constant heightened tension in the air and the looming fear of setting one of his brother’s temper’s off, he typically kept to himself.

“I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells,” he said while glancing down at his fingers. “It would be a lie to say that I never felt like my problems were less important in comparison to theirs, but my parents did the best they could. Their needs definitely came first though.”

This feeling is not unique to Mike as psychologist Diane Marsh explains in her book, Troubled Journey.

“As hard as parents may try, and they do, to meet the needs of their well siblings, time and energy are simply finite,” Marsh told NPR. “And so siblings often feel like the forgotten family members. Everyone else’s problems are more important than theirs.”

Although Mike felt that his life was trivialized at times because of his brother’s ailments, he always tried to be as supportive as possible. With the pressure of four boys alone combined with the challenge of two mentally ill children, in Mike’s eyes, his parents did all that they could do.   

“It definitely became unbearable at times,” he explained somberly. “There were some points where it would either be the fifth or sixth hour in a row, or the fifth day in a row where we couldn’t leave the house and I was over it. But it was always understandable. There was never a time I really felt neglected on purpose.”

As understanding as he may be, Mike acknowledges the fact that who he has become as a person has been heavily shaped by his experiences growing up with Matt and John, using adjectives like introverted, weird and passive to describe himself.

“I think with how over the top both of them were, I just don’t experience extreme emotions,” he said as the ends of his mouth curled into a slight frown. “I don’t think I have ever experienced anxiety. I rarely, if ever panic. It’s definitely taken a tole on my capacity for emotions and being able to talk openly about it.”

Unfortunately for well-siblings like Mike, this kind of desensitization is very common. Marsh’s co-author Rex Dickens, who himself is the brother of three mentally-ill siblings, explained that brothers and sisters of the mentally ill often become “frozen souls” over time.

“You sort of shut down, emotionally, in part of your life, and that carries over to other areas,” Dickens told NPR.

To the outsider, Mike’s experience growing up may seem like a burden, but to him and his family it has created an opportunity over time to become closer—and based on research he’s right. According to Marsh, there is evidence of stronger family bonds and commitment within families that have one or more mentally ill children.

“I think going through all of that together made us able to be completely comfortable around each other because we’ve seen the true colors. I would argue that we have one of the closest families that I know, even though half of us are crazy. Well maybe all of us,” he laughed to himself.

Digital era makes activism easy

With the hectic schedule that comes with being a college student, it may seem nearly impossible to stay informed with current social and political affairs.

In between the looming deadlines, club meetings, a full-time job and making time for friends, it may seem trivial to stay up to date on what is happening in the country and around the globe.

The fact of the matter is, college is the time in one’s life where it is essential to stay informed. Whether a freshman or a senior, the real-world is right around the corner and the reality is, social and political injustices happen daily.

As the younger generation, it is seemingly our job to shape the future of the country and ultimately the world. While these issues are not necessarily controllable, there are steps that can be taken towards inciting change.

Luckily for us as college students, there is already a built-in communal space that exists on campuses, making it extremely easy to organize and take action towards a certain topic of interest. Not to mention that this is the last time in most’s life that such an environment for collaboration and connection takes place, so it is important to take advantage of it.

While not everyone is going to organize a protest or coin a hashtag, there are ways to get involved that take little effort, especially with the rise of the digital age and online activism. Getting involved is now as simple as a Google search or joining a Facebook group.

In fact, research shows that college students and adults alike prefer using social media as a platform to discuss social, political and environmental issues and also believe that online activism is efficient.

The 2014 Cone Communications Digital Activism study found that 75 percent of millennials utilize social media to talk about what they care about compared to 52 percent of adults.

Additionally, 62 percent of respondents were “more inclined to support social and environment issues in a variety of ways, including volunteering, donating and sharing information, first after liking or following an organization,” and 58 percent felt that tweeting or posting information about an issue is an effective form of activism. 

Dr. Corinne Dalelio, assistant professor of Communication, Media and Culture at Coastal Carolina University explained some of the various ways one can get involved online.

“The internet makes everything easier, including being an activist,” said Dalelio. “You can sign an online petition and sometimes those organizations will have a local chapter in your area that you can meet up with. Meetup.com is also a great resource. A lot of activist groups get on there and organize rallies and protests. And of course, the usual Facebook and Twitter—all of those are used in different ways for activist purposes.”

Hashtag activism is another way to be a part of a movement that is easy, fast and risk-free. This type of activism uses hashtags on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook to bring together likeminded people about a specific political or social message.

Recently, hashtag activism has been used in the Black Lives Matter Movement, the Women’s March and the delete Uber scandal—just to name a few.

The Women’s March grew out of a single Facebook post from a woman in Hawaii and now has 1,297,995 Instagram posts under #WomensMarch. Additionally, within 24 hours of #DeleteUber being created, 200,000 members had deleted their accounts. From the response that these movements generated, it is easy to conclude that social media and hashtag activism are successful tools for inciting change if used correctly.

While staying informed and getting involved are both important, Dalelio emphasized that it is essential to be diligent about uncovering the truth about any issue of interest.

“Using the tools on the internet to seek out information and to seek out truth is important, not just to seek out points of view that support what you already believe but to look for facts, for people who do fact checking, primary sources and for people who were there,” said Dalelio. “Because we, in addition to being in an increasing activist kind of era, we’re also in the decreasing truth kind of era. If it is something that you are really passionate about you should look for the truth with every resource that is available to you.”

Student loan debt surpasses $1.3 trillion

Student loan debt in America reached a staggering $1.31 trillion as of Dec. 31, 2016, according to new data from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York.

The report showed that just in the last quarter of 2016, outstanding student loans balances increased by $31 billion.

This is not surprising with the constant climbing costs of college. Today, a college education is the second largest expense an individual is likely to make in their lifetime, behind buying a house.

In fact, the average cost of a single credit at a four year public university is $594.46, according to a Student Loan Hero study.

Dr. Dennis Edwards, chair of Finance and Economics at Coastal Carolina University, explained that if steps are not taken to combat student loan debt, there could be serious financial repercussions.

“This is an alarming statistic and one that shows little sign of slowing down if measures are not taken soon,” said Edwards. “There are a few people out there who think student loans might be the next bubble to burst, akin to the mortgage bubble of 2008.”

Those few people could be correct. According to the data, student loan debt accounts for  10 percent of debt balance, only second to mortgage which makes up 67 percent of the national debt pool.

Unfortunately, to echo Edwards, the rates show no sign of slowing down. The website MarketWatch has actively been tracking student loan debt since 2006 and currently, the debt is increasing at a rate of $2667.2 per second.

Not only is debt climbing at an alarming rate, the data shows that students are also falling behind on paying back their loans. In the fourth quarter of 2016, 11.2 percent of all student loan debt was 90 or more days delinquent or in default, surpassing credit card loans at 7.1 percent and auto loans at 3.8 percent.

Edwards said that this is partly due to the fact that students are not making enough money.

“Someone becoming delinquent might depend on his or her individual circumstance but if students have taken on more than they can handle, making basic payments becomes increasingly difficult if they’ve secured employment that does not pay very much in relation to the debt they have taken on,” said Edwards.

He added that this statistic is one that should be watched.

“This is the statistic that will give us an indication of a bubble about to burst,” said Edwards. “One or two people defaulting here and there will not make much of a difference. It’s when people default en masse that gives the markets pessimism.”

Falling delinquent on student loan payments can have an adverse effect on one’s credit, hindering future opportunities like attending graduate school or purchasing a house.

Jamiah Aguabella, a recent graduate of Coastal, said that he will be paying off his loans for a decade.

“I will be paying them back for 10 years,” said Aguabella. “It’s absolutely ridiculous that we have to pay thousands to universities to get a degree or else jobs won’t accept our resume. Student loans has kept me back from much more than graduate school. Starting out in a 10 year committed relationship with debt is not how I want to live my 20’s.”

With accumulating debt being an inevitable fate for most college students, the question arises of what can be done to reduce it. The most simple answer is to choose a cheaper school but for those who are already enrolled at a university, this is not very helpful.

And in reality, when students are deciding on what school to attend, cost is not number one of the list of concerns. It is actually third behind academic program and personal choice, according to Sallie Mae.

Another way to avoid a large amount of debt, Edwards explained, is to make sure to pick a realistic career path.

“The biggest mistake a person can make is to take on a tremendous amount of debt and pursue a career with an income that doesn’t do enough to satisfy his or her debt obligations,” said Edwards. “I’m the last person to say an individual should not chase their dream. However, it’s up to the student to do a net present value analysis on potential future earnings compared to the total cost—principal plus interest—of obtaining an education in that field.  If the cost outweighs the future earning potential, it isn’t a viable career path, provided that is the person’s sole income stream.”

As for reducing debt while still in college, the key is to be frugal. Making responsible choices now could positively affect one’s financial state for the rest of their lives.

“Life is about choices,” said Edwards. “Some of those choices require sacrifice. Do you need the best clothes? Do you need a new 2017 model car? Do you need to eat out every night?  Do you really need to spend $50 at the bars every weekend? Taking an honest account of expenditures and seeing where you can cut back will help. It won’t answer all your debt problems, but every little bit can help, especially when you’re young.”

Millennials distressed over state of the world

Pessimism is plaguing millennials across the globe, according to Deloitte’s 2017 Millennial Survey.

According to the survey that polled 8,000 adults from 30 different countries born after 1982, millennials overall are worried about the future of their countries and are concerned about topics of terrorism, economics, war and political tensions.

In mature markets, only 34 percent of those surveyed expect economic conditions to improve over the next year and only 36 percent predict the same for social and political situations within their countries.

After a year of political, economic and social upheaval, it is no surprise that young adults are feeling troubled. In fact, when asked by researchers to think about the state of the world in general, respondents in only 11 of the 30 countries predicted that they would be “happier” than their parents.

Ironically, one of those 11 countries is the United States.

Dr. Andrea Bergstrom, a lecturer in the Communication, Media and Culture Department at Coastal Carolina University, said that this could be due to an overarching sense of entitlement that exists among the youth in America.

“In terms of mental preparation, I don’t think younger generations are in any way prepared,” said Bergstrom. “They have always been told that if you work hard and you do what you’re supposed to do, then your life will be great—the American Dream. You’ll have your house and your 2.5 kids and your fence and all that crap, but that is also, I would argue, a kind of privileged way of thinking to begin with…They haven’t been prepared for the possibility that their lives may not be better than their parents.”

Although young adults in the U.S. may not feel as distressed as those in other mature markets, Bergstrom argues that there is reason to be concerned.

“You have been told your whole life that you’re going to be able to do this, and you’re going to achieve that, and your life is going to be great and everything is better for each generation,” said Bergstrom. “This is the first generation in memorable recent history that that’s not going to be the case.”

Millennials, having lived through the 2008 economic meltdown, are increasingly worried about the job market. Because of this, young adults, who statistically prefer the advantages of working as freelancers or consultants, are now seeking full-time employment.

According to the survey, two-thirds of respondents said they would prefer a stable, full-time job over the flexibility of freelancing.

Bergstrom said that with the recent economic past, it makes sense that students are seeking full-time employment.

“I think particularly with the recent unstable economic past, I think students have seen a lot of their parents have financial hardships that they hadn’t seen before or anticipated when they were younger,” said Bersgtom. “And I think that is an important realistic shift. I’m not saying people shouldn’t try to be entrepreneurs. I think that’s great. But, you really can’t have it both ways.”

Senior Lindsey Hanks echoed the results of the survey. 

“I would much rather have a full-time career and job security than ‘job-hop,’” said Hanks. “I don’t want to have to constantly be worried about keeping my job or looking for a new one, or worried about money and having enough of it.”

While unemployment and economic issues are serious concerns among millennials, according to the survey, terrorism is the number one worry. Collectively, 56 percent of respondents cited war, terrorism and political tension to be their top concern.

What is particularly interesting is that in 2014 the results showed that only 15 percent identified terrorism as one of the world’s prominent challenges, while a majority considered the environment and resource scarcity to be the top concern.

Senior TJ Kilbride explained that this is troubling to him.

“Most millennials are afraid of terrorism more so than environmental issues, which is very concerning to me,” said Kilbride. “But what is even more concerning is that millennials are more concerned with terrorism than unemployment. That really worries me because that may lead people to not really think about what might happen if there is something that makes them lose their job. These are things that we should really be focusing on and less on what the media is trying to make us focus on.”

Despite the overall feeling of negativity among millennials, the survey states that young adults are the ones who incite the most change, especially within the working world. This is due to the fact that millennials are better with technology and more creative than their counterparts.

“The Millennials covered by the survey are not mere observers; increasingly and collectively, they have the potential to change the world around them,” the study states. “This is especially true within the workplace—once again, business has the potential to be a force for positive change that shines through as a core belief of the Millennial generation.”

Similar to the survey respondents, Hanks believes that millennials were raised to be more creative and technologically savvy.

“I think people in our generation were encouraged early on to be creative, instead of having our dreams or creativity stifled,” said Hanks. “We also never grew up without technology, so we’re able to grasp concepts about computers, smart phones, devices, and the internet, a lot quicker than others.

While statistically millennials are more capable in these aspects, it is concerning to some that many young adults expect to be successful without putting in the time and effort needed.

Bergstrom explained that it is going to take more than these skills to pay the bills.

“I think that there is a huge tech savvy that is more innate if you’ve grown up with it,” said Bergstrom. “And I do think there is a lot of creativity. I think being able to meld those two things leads to a lot of opportunities once you’re in the door…There are some that just want to skate through whatever this experience this is and think on the other side that things are going to be great. That’s the piece of it that concerns me. But I think there’s a lot of opportunity for people who want to put their head down and work for it.”

College students: To eat or not to eat?

As if getting a degree was not difficult enough already, recent studies show that as the price of college increases, so does the rate of hunger and homelessness among college students in the United States.

Coordinator of Civic Engagement at Coastal Carolina University Elaine Giles explained that because of this, many students are being faced with an impossible decision.

“I think folks often have to make the choice of, do I use my financial aid money or do I use scholarships or loans to pay for books, to pay for my tuition or do I use that for living expenses,” said Giles. “I think sometimes, unfortunately, students have to make that difficult decision of, should I do well academically or do I eat today?”

The average cost of tuition at a four-year university has more than doubled in the last 30 years, increasing from a yearly tuition of $8,238 to $18,632, according to The National Center for Education Statistics (NCES).

With the constantly climbing costs combined with the decreasing amount of coverage from Pell grants, which were first implemented in the 1970s to aid low-income students in paying for college, it is no surprise that food and house insecurity among students continues to be a detrimental problem.

In fact, when they were first introduced, Pell grants covered 75 percent of college costs. Today, they cover a measly 30 percent. Additionally, two-thirds of current recipients grew up in households that fall below 150 percent of the federal poverty line.

A study by the National Student Campaign Against Hunger and Homelessness surveyed 3765 students in 34 different institutions across 12 states in October 2016. The study found that 48 percent of students reported experiencing food insecurity in the previous 30 days, 22 percent of those qualifying as hungry.

Unfortunately, those students who experience food insecurity also often experience housing insecurity.

Of those 1800 students that reported experiencing food insecurity, 64 percent also reported experiencing housing insecurity, with 15 percent reporting experiencing “some form of homelessness in the past 12 months.”

These outside factors tend to weigh heavily on the success of low-income college students. In fact, the NCES found that only 14 percent of students from the bottom 20 percent of household incomes completed a bachelor’s degree or higher within eight years of graduation.

In response to the growing number of food insecure students, universities and colleges across America are beginning to offer food pantries and other resources.

Coastal Carolina University is no exception.

The CINO Pantry was first established in the fall of 2012 by an FYE class and, at the time, was housed in UP. Unfortunately, according to Giles, after the students graduated it became dormant.

In the fall of 2015, the pantry reopened in the Lib Jackson Student Union and remains there today.

“When I heard they were transitioning, there were still students that would seek out the CINO pantry for those resources,” said Giles.

Free to all students, faculty and staff, the pantry is open Monday through Friday.

Giles explained that all are welcome to stop by at any time. The process is simple.

“Students, faculty and staff can come in and say, ‘I’d like to visit the pantry,’” said Giles. “We get the visitors to fill out a form just explaining the CINO Pantry and recognizing that there is a risk. It’s a liability waiver. Then, they go in and take what they need. When they’re done, they just let us know that they finished up in the pantry. They can come visit as much and as often as they’d like.”

The CINO pantry is not going un-utilized. In the fall of 2016, Giles said that 34 students visited the pantry. She added that there are likely other students who needed the services, but did not know that Coastal offered them or were unaware of where they were located.

During homecoming week, Coastal holds a can drive event called Can-struct. Giles explained that it is these donations that supply the majority of goods in the pantry.

“We have a lot of canned vegetables and canned fruit and canned soup,” said Giles. “A lot of that comes comes from the Coastal Can-struct event that happens during homecoming week. We’re actually still going off of Can-struct donations from 2015.”

Currently, the pantry only accepts shelf stable food such as cereal, protein bars, pasta, shelf stable milk and meats. In the future, Giles hopes to have the resources that are able to accommodate for other goods.

“One day I would love to see the pantry expanded to where we have a fridge and can take other things or we have a community garden and can actually do fresh produce,” said Giles. “I think that would be really cool, knowing that what our pantry has now isn’t really high in nutritional value.”

If you would like to donate goods to the pantry, Giles explained that it is best to contact her first to make sure they have room. Her email is egiles@coastal.edu.

There are also opportunities to donate to the local food pantries, such as Catholic Charities located directly across from University Suites.

Believing is more than seeing

It seems like every time I turn on the television, log-on to social media or check a news application on my phone, there is another breaking news story about something violent that has happened at home or overseas.

As someone who plans to have a career in journalism, I am well versed with the practice of, “if it bleeds, it leads,” used by news media.

But, to the average American, these images of violence create a skewed picture of the world that is reinforced every time a news outlet runs a story containing violent-content.

Because of this, many feel that the world is more dangerous than it actually is.

A Gallup poll published in 2015, showed that 70 percent of Americans believe that the crime rate is higher than it was the year before. This has been the trend since the company started giving the violence perception poll in 1989.

wzvtbhtlxkgekbwdjg_fwwThe poll showed that 60 percent of Americans also reported believing that violent crime is a “very serious” problem; while at the same time, only 25 percent reported that they or someone in their household fell victim to a crime, six percent or less, being violent.

Data from The Pew Research Center also indicated that, since the early 2000s, American’s have reported that every year, they feel the crime rate has increased since the year prior.

These, along with various other sets of data, show that the reality is that, even though a majority of Americans feel as though the crime rates are increasing, government data shows that the rates have been on a—nearly—constant decline since the early 90.

Having the ability to separate oneself from the “current events” and see the bigger picture, is key to not falling subject to, what the late Media Effect researcher, George Gerbner, called the “Mean World Syndrome.”

Gerbner used this term to describe how violent content in mass media leads viewers to believe that society is much more dangerous than it actually is.  He also concluded that because of this constant exposure, people are primed to think violence is a regular part of life.

Making the effort to use statistics, rather than a heuristic—a shortcut for thinking—to develop one’s world-view is also essential, according to psychologists, Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman.

Tversky and Kahneman explained the reason behind the gap between the public’s perceptions of violent crime and reality, to be due to something they coined an “availability heuristic.”

Similar to Gerbner, Tversky and Kahneman stated that if someone regularly engages in media that displays violent content, they are likely to assume that the world parallels this.

With the news being easily accessible through multiple mediums, and in light of the recent terrorist attacks and shootings, it is easy to see why many American’s are living in fear.

Although the media portrays society to be increasingly violent, it is important to recognize that various data, like that from ourworldindata.org, shows that the reality is just the opposite.

It is actually the safest time to be alive in human history.

 

College students obsessed with success, too stressed to obtain it

Countless studies show that there is currently a mental health epidemic facing college students across the nation.

A survey conducted by the American College Counseling Association, or ACCA, found that more than half of college counseling visitors have save psychological problems, an increase of 13 percent in two years.

Parallel to other national college mental health data, the survey also concluded that anxiety and depression, in that order, are the most common health diagnoses among college students.

According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the number 2 leading cause of death among those ages 15-24 and that the suicide rate among adolescents and young adults has increased “modestly but steadily” since 2007.

Over the past two decades, several universities across America have experienced what psychologists refer to as “suicide clusters,” which is defined as multiple deaths in close succession and proximity.

In 2015, Tulane University lost four students to suicide and Appalachian State lost three.

Penn State had six students commit suicide over a 13-month stretch from 2014-2015.

From 2003-2004, 5 New York University (NYU) students leapt to their death. Cornell lost six students to suicide from 2009-2010.

And according to Kelsie Miller, a Counseling Outreach Coordinator for the Students Helping Others Reach Excellence (SHORE) program on Coastal’s Campus who spoke with Chanticleer reporter, Genelle Thompson, CCU has also seen its share of student suicides over the last 5 years.

With a majority of these suicide clusters happening at top-ranked schools, it is easy to speculate that the infamous high-stress, hyper-achieving environment that many ivy-league schools are known for is linked in some way.

Director of Counseling and Psychological Services for the Jed Foundation, a non-profit organization geared towards promoting emotional health and preventing suicide, and the Associate Director of Gannett Health Services at Cornell University Gregory T. Eells told HuffPost Live, that this could be due to something he calls “social perfection.”

Eells explained that because today’s younger generation are so attuned to social media, many feel the need to appear perfect across various platforms, which can potentially be as damaging to the person posting the image as it is to the people engaging with it.

“Social perfection can be a very toxic concept because it’s something that we internalize,” said Eells. “It’s not as if you really think I have to be perfect. It’s that I think that you think I have to be perfect.”

He explained that striving to be perfect causes one to miss out on the chance to improve oneself through recognizing personal imperfections.

“Part of being human is that we all make mistakes,” said Eells. “We really can develop a growth mindset, which is when there are those setbacks, they’re opportunities for growth. They don’t mean you’re a failure, they don’t mean that you’ve done something wrong. They’re an opportunity to learn and develop some sense of resilience and develop some adaptability.”

This feeling of a need to achieve perfection that many college student’s currently face has created a shift in the way young adults handle conflict and cope with challenges.

Counselors at various colleges across the nation have reported noticing this change and have concluded that many college students no longer know how to fail.

Based on an article published in Counseling Today, a publication of the American Counseling Association, helicopter parenting is partly to blame.

This style of parenting describes a parent, or parents, who have a “helicopter-like tendency to hover over children and swoop in to rescue them at the first sign of trouble.” This parenting style ultimately prevents children from developing “independence and resiliency,” thereby hindering them both emotionally and academically, later in life.

A combination of being raised by overprotective parents and being surrounded by culture of hyper-achievement, there is no mystery why mental illness and suicide rates among adolescents and young adults are on a constant incline.

The sad reality is that national data on campus suicide and depression show that one in four adults experience mental illness in a given year, two-thirds of students who are struggling do no seek help or treatment and more teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from all other mental illnesses combined.

Because of the prevalence of these issues among college students, it is important for their peers, as well as faculty and staff, to know the facts, warning signs and how to help.

Coastal’s Counseling Services provide several different outlets to aid with mental illness and suicide prevention, but students must take the first step to get help.

October is suicide prevention month, so be sure to be aware of the facts and keep an eye out for awareness events hosted by COAST, the Counseling Outreach Advocacy Student Team and Counseling Services.